Blatherings From The Editor

Underwear

(October 2005) 

Underwear No matter what brand, who fit it, or how expensive it was, a good seat (or saddle, if you will) just ain’t right if you’re sitting on the wrong pair of undies.  Men’s undies come in lots of styles, some really strange fabrics, all kinds of colors, patterns and hip sayings, and can inflict such pain…it just makes you cringe.

     Tighty-whities, commonly called briefs, seem pretty popular.  Lots of support, fit close and can pinch the bejeezus out of you.  When it happens, your only alternative is to pull over.  R-Bike undies (get it, boxers?) are just the opposite…lots of material, real loose fit and can roll into such a wad.  Try riding down the road sitting on a coconut.

     Down at the local discount clothes, shoes and furniture store, you can find real deals on trunks.  They seem to be a cross between the R-Bike undies and the tighty-whities…lots of material, tight fit and can give you such a squeeze it’ll bring tears to your eyes.  Again, the only cure is to pull over and discreetly adjust.  None of the thousands of cars going by notice a thing…right!

     There are other alternatives that can inflict some very entertaining and interesting displeasures on the casual wearer.  Bicycle shorts seem to be graded by the number of panels and every panel has a seam, bummer.  In just a few miles seams can cut right through your posterior.  The extra padding under all those panels seemed like a good idea…beef up the posterior.  This made my butt too big for my leather pants.  Combine this with the spandex in the shorts putting pressure on everything from the belly button down to the mid thigh and you have a receipt for pressurabus-maximus…they just squeeze the you-know-what out of you.

     If the thought of an over-aged, slightly over weight and thoroughly out of shape man wearing a Fredrick’s of Hollywood red-hot thong makes you want to burn your eyes out...too late, you’ve already read too far.  These babies put pressure on places you never knew you could put pressure on.  Enough said.

     Recently I have come to find out that the record for the Least Number of Underwear Worn for the Longest Distance Ridden by a Motorcyclist is held by one of our SEAT members.  God bless him and protect him from monkey butt!  Oh, and that was one pair across the tundra of old Russia.  They must have been some really comfy undies.

     So it comes down to your choice of underwear should be based on what flavor or texture of pain you can endure for the longest period of time.  Some go for the pressurabus-maximus, others for the huge lump.  Finding out which flavor and texture suits you is the fun part.  Deryle Mehrten, still searching for that perfect pair of undies.