Blatherings From The Editor

Pit Stops 

(May 2006) 

 There’s a bunch of reasons why you would want to pull over and stop while riding your motorcycle around the world; a scenic view, a park or monument, or just any site that tickles your fancy.  The most common stop though is probably the pit stop.  This is the gas, food and bathroom stop that we all eventually have to make.  It’s the law of the west!

     The bathroom part of a pit stop can be the most challenging.  Ever enter the restroom of an off highway gas station and found that your occupancy time is limited to how long you can hold your breath?  Years back I wore my wool scarf into one of these smell holes.  My scarf soaked up the scent like a sponge.  I got to enjoy the lingering patina of a bad john for many miles.  I haven’t worn that scarf since.

     Porta-potties can be an experience.  Cheryl Osborn’s “Port-A-Potty Etiquette” back in July of 98 gave some good advice.  But how about those Forest Service potties?  These things are scary.  I always do all my unzipping, unsnapping or unvelcroing away from the toilet seat.  Don’t want nothin’ to drop, it would be gone forever.  Shudder…

     Part of my standard jacket pocket supply list is Kleenex and dippy-wipies.  They are essential.  We should petition our legislators for a law banning the manufacture of toilet paper with a thickness of less than one micron.  Really, if you can read a newspaper through your toilet paper, that’s just too thin.  Something needs to be done!

     Some of the smaller restrooms present a real dilemma to the larger rider.  Try taking off your helmet, jacket, jacket liner, over pants and other unmentionables in a cubical the size of a really small closet.  Needless to say, you are under some serious pressure while trying to accomplish this.  Even if you can get everything off, where do you hang them?  Nothing touches the floor…nothing!

     I’m sure you ladies love the non-gendered restrooms.  We guys can be pretty bad shots.  The micron thin toilet paper isn’t really much help, and you never know what you’ll find digging around in the empty toilet cover dispenser.   Ugly…

     The highway traveler gets to enjoy some of the best that our grand country has to offer.  We motorcyclists get an even closer view of the country and the people who make it so great.  Unfortunately, if you travel enough you are bound to find the infamous “Restroom From Hell,” it’s just another roadside attraction.  Deryle Mehrten, behind the third bush to the left…